To My Ex
by sarfateith
Summary: Finn Hudson writes letters to Rachel Berry after they break up in 2x09
1. Camping

Rachel, how _could_ you?

After everything you and I have been through together, you went and cheated on me with Puck? Puck of all people, Rach, you know what happened with Quinn fucked me up. And you just made it so much fucking worse. I _loved _you so much, and you just went and played with me like I was some fucking toy. You know what? No, not anymore. I'm done with you, Rachel. And to show you that I mean it, I'm gonna tell you about that summer night when you and I were in the woods alone. Just to prove to you that I don't care anymore about what we used to have.

Remember that, Rach? Remember when I took you on that little camping trip? Or did you block that out when you made out with my best friend? Anyway, I remember it very clearly, driving over and picking you up and throwing you in the passenger seat with me. And then I took your stuff and put it in the back with my stuff. And you were telling me how excited you were to be going on your first camping trip, and then I kissed you and told you it was gonna be so much fun, and you smiled and you took my hand and agreed. Then we drove away and I felt like the main character of those sappy Hallmark movies that got to take his woman wherever he wanted and they would just walk into the sunset happily ever after. You made us seem so _unreal_, Rachel. Being with you was like a dream; it was too good to be true.

So whatever, anyway, we got to the campsite and you started freaking out because of all the bugs and stuff, and then you saw something I still don't know what and you screamed and you just clung to me and you were almost crying, and you were going on about how terrifying the woods were and how we shouldn't have gone. And I told you how adorable you were, and you just gave me this death glare thing. But I laughed and eventually you laughed too. I had to let go of you for at least a little while, because I had to set up our tent, and I remember I kept screwing up and you kept coming over and kissing me to make me feel better and it _always _did. I wonder if you did that for Puck too.

And eventually the tent was done, but it was _so_ _small_. So you said it was perfect for you, but then I reminded you that we had to stay in the tent together and you blushed and so did I. And the crickets started chirping a lot and the fireflies were coming out and you just stood there. You stood there and looked at everything, and you came over to me and hugged me, saying something about how big everything seemed, and I laughed because I thought of myself as something big you would see every day. Then we both crawled inside that tent and played hand games that you wanted to play, and I think we did some truth or dare, too. You found out some of my deepest secrets.

But I found out some of yours too, and I specifically remember you falling into my lap because you laughed so hard at the fact that I was sprayed by a skunk in the first grade and came into school smelling like something died. Somehow, from there, you made your way on top of me, and you kissed me, and we were lying down, making out. I remember your hands tangled in my hair and mine in yours, and we just screwed around. But no sex, because you were gonna wait until you were 25. I remember you feeling so perfect against me…like you were meant to be my other half. I remember thinking that we were going to be together forever. Jesus Christ was I wrong.

So yeah, we ate some dinner and then decided to lie down outside and watch the stars. You kept talking about the big dipper, and I smiled and nudged you, saying that I would be your big dipper and you were my little dipper. You laughed and kissed my nose, and then we began making out again and I don't remember ever kissing anyone else like that in my life, ever. You whispered you loved me, and I told you I loved you too. And I did. And I carried you back to the tent, while you kicked a little bit. But then we got our sleeping bags out, and the first thing you wanted to do was cuddle. To be honest, that's all I wanted too. So I let you inside my big sleeping bag, and we cuddled and I kissed your forehead. And we fell asleep like that, with my arms around you. That was the best camping trip of my life.

Alright, so maybe I'm not over you yet. But trust me, I will be soon, and when I am, you're gonna be begging for me back.

_If you're reading this then I'm screwed._

Finn


	2. Our First Sleepover

Dear Rachel;

After I wrote that last letter, I let myself cry. And, to be honest, I tried getting over you. It was hard. But after that football game…oh man, you'll never guess who kissed me afterwards.

Yeah, that's right.

_Quinn Fabray._

You know why I'm telling you that? Because it will ruin you like you ruined me. Do you know what it's like to hurt like that? You thought that you did when you heard I had sex with Santana. But we weren't even fucking together! And you still cheated on me. You left a hole in my heart, Rachel. And I'm going to do what I did last time to make you wish you had me back. I'm going to go back on another summer memory and make you relive _every _moment we spent over the summer, through letters.

You're gonna wish you hadn't cheated on me, Rach. You'll regret it so bad.

Remember that time I slept over your house? It was way in the beginning of the summer, when we still were getting used to each other for the second time. I'm just gonna bring up a few little events.

We discussed sex for the first time. No one pressured each other, but we were cuddling and you nuzzled my shoulder and licked my neck playfully. Really sneakily, I jumped you and pinned you to the bed, and you were laughing as I tickled your neck with my hair. You grabbed my hair, pulled me to your face and kissed me really hard. You have no idea how hard it was to not "arrive early" for me. You wrapped your legs around my waist and I cringed because I got really hard really fast. I had to pull out of your embrace, actually. You sat up and your eyes were getting watery.

"You…you don't want to kiss me?" you said, trying to hold back tears.

"No, no baby! No, that's not it at all," I said, leaning forward and wiping a stray tear from your eye. "You don't know how _sexy_ you are. You don't know what it's like to have to get away from your arms. But you said it yourself, you're not ready yet. And I don't know if I'm ready for it either. You know, ready for when it means something." I remember you looking at me with your big brown eyes and smiling wider than I had seen you smile in our time together.

"You remembered?" You whispered, reaching out and grabbing my hand. I realized I had never loved anyone like I had loved you.

After our little discussion, we watched a movie. I forget what movie it was but I remember you had seen it so many times that you were mouthing the words as people were saying them. It was probably Funny Girl. But anyway, you were snuggled up against me and we sat on your bed and watched the TV, and I specifically remember having my arms around you in such a way that I could basically sweep you into my arms and carry you around your room like a baby. So, Funny Girl had ended, and after you sang along to the last song (and made me sing too), you yawned and leaned your head on my shoulder.

"I love you." You said gently, and I kissed your neck.

"I love you too." You yawned again, and I decided that it was time for bed. So I lifted you easily into my arms and rocked you back and forth before setting you down. You smiled and ran into the bathroom, where you changed into your pajamas. I remember you left the door a little bit open, and you had your back turned. But you took off your bra, I remember, and it fell to the ground and I just stared. I watched you slip on your nightie and twirl really quickly around before coming back to the room. I pulled off my shirt and pants, in front of you, and you gasped at me and turned a really cute shade of pink. But I came prepared, and grabbed the spare t-shirt I used to leave at you house. You were still pink when I put it on. But I hopped on your bed and patted the space next to me.

"You coming?" I laughed. You smiled hugely again before scurrying next to me. You rested your head on my chest, and before I knew it, you were asleep with your arms around me. I swear to god that was the happiest I had ever been. So I closed my eyes and pulled you nice and close to me, and I fell asleep right next to you.

But I'm with Quinn now. She and I really connected, and I wanna give her another try. So you know what?

Bye Rachel.


	3. Sectionals and Tutoring

Dear Rachel;

How are you? I know you can't read this 'cause I'm not actually going to send them to you, but I figured I'd be a nice person and stuff. Okay, now back to the point. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten back together with Quinn this fast.

I mean, it was hot in the beginning, but now she's being all "controllist" like. And I know, you told me that controllist isn't a word, but it _became_ one, Rach. And Quinn…she's being all "scary Quinn" and making me look all popular. And I don't care about that anymore. She's…she's freakin' me out, Rachel. She's being all scheme-y and I don't know how I stand in her book. It's…weird. I miss knowing where I stand, like I did with you. It was nice.

Anyway, I'm gonna continue with writing you memories we had. It makes me feel more comfortable writing…you know? I have a reason. I'm reminding you of what we had. Actually, no, you know what? I'm gonna tell you what it was like watching you sing at Regionals.

I don't know how to say this, Rach, but your singing…it touched me. Right…you know, in my heart. And I remember you looking at me with your big brown eyes and you were singing "Get it Right" _right_ to me. And I don't think I've ever really felt that whole since…since sectionals. The way you sang it, the way you sang about wanting to give up on your problems but not going to because you had to get it right no matter how many times it took, I felt it. I felt it, Rachel. For the first time in my life, I cried before I went onstage. It wasn't one of those gushy waterfalls that they have in all those sappy movies you used to love so much, but just small tears. Your voice, your promises that you made in that song, they just, you know, broke me. I've never felt that connected with anyone, Rach. You have to understand. Not even with Quinn. _But don't tell her I said that_. And you looked so beautiful when you went onstage…I know I'm not supposed to say that, but you were so beautiful Rach. Your hair, your eyes, your dress, everything about the clothes you wore just made you and your voice that much stronger.

Can I tell you a secret, Rachel? I don't think I'll ever be over you. You know, this might sound stupid, but when we were still together, I was thinking of baby names. You know, for when we get married and stuff. And I thought, hey, what if we named our first daughter Lea? Or Emily? _Emily Hudson_. It has a nice ring to it. I know, I shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, but you don't understand Rach, I loved you _so much_ and I wanted to get everything perfect for our future together.

But that's not going to happen, is it? Not after all this bullshit that's happening. I'm gonna go on and talk about another memory we had.

Remember when you took me to the library that one time, back when school was beginning? You told me we had to study but you looked so _hot_ in your mini skirt and sweater and I honestly couldn't focus on anything but you. And I remember you bent down to get a folder you dropped and some asswipe decided to whistle. And you have no idea how much strength it took to not go over there and kick his ass and make him apologize to you. No one is allowed to whistle at you but me. Or, was, anyway. So I walked over to you and stood behind you and you accidentally bumped my crotch with your butt and I had a moment. I mean, really, you were just _so hot _and I couldn't take it and I just grabbed you and kissed you really hard and you shockingly kissed me back, and we just sat behind the bookshelf making out. And I remember I mumbled something about hating Algebra anyway and how I would never remember any of the shit they were trying to teach us and you just stopped kissing me and grabbed my hand and you put it on your hip. You must've seen my eyes get all big and stuff, because you whispered "_This is the Quadratic formula_" or something, and you started reciting it, and while you said it you moved your hand up your side slowly. I have never been so horny in a library in my entire life. And then my hand was under your boob, Rach, and you said, "Now repeat it back to me, Finn" and my hand was sweating and I stared at my hand then your boob then in your eyes and I actually remembered the formula from the way my hand moved up your body. And when I got it right you moved it so that I was touching your side-boob and I mailman'd _so hard_, Rach, it wasn't even funny. I'm pretty sure I got a C+ on that math test because of your lessons, which were totally awesome.

Can you tutor me again, Rachel? I need to learn Chemistry vocabulary for a test on Thursday and Quinn isn't any fun with that. She made me read out of the textbook, ew.

_I'll write again soon, Rach._

Finny-D


	4. Angelina isn't that hot naked

Dear Rachel;

You're beautiful. Did you know that? When I told you for the first time this year, you know, when I was sick with mono and you came in to help me and stuff, I said that to you. But I meant it, Rach, and I still do. You are the most beautiful girl I've had the pleasure of meeting. And you should _know_ that, Rachel. You think you aren't pretty, or you think that Quinn is prettier than you, or some other self-esteem crushing thoughts, and you're _wrong_. And that's why today, in Glee, I told you to stop. Because if you get a nose job, you'll be hurting your beauty and your perfect face, and I don't think I'd be the only one who thinks so. You are such a wonderful, pure person, and I don't want you to ever change, ever. I don't give a fuck about what that doctor said, because he was sure as hell wrong. And he didn't even think you were that attractive! I'm still kinda pissed off at him.

But anyway, back to the whole memory-a-letter thing. What about the first time you told me what you hated about yourself? Which should be nothing, but you had something anyway.

We were watching one of those romantic comedies (don't tell Puck I watched it though) and you were all snuggled into my chest and there was a nude scene. I thought you would turn away and tell Angelina off or something, but you started crying. You cried into my chest and you were shaking and I had no idea what was wrong. So I stopped the movie, and I pulled you into my lap, and I rocked you back and forth really slow. But you kept crying, so I kissed your head and shushed you quietly.

"Shhh…what's wrong, Rach? I stopped the movie, it's over." I said softly in your ear. You just cried harder. "Rachel…you have to talk to me, because I'm getting worried now." You looked up at me and your eyes filled up more and you could barely talk right.

"I-I-I'm so ugly, Finn. I l-l-look so gross a-and, and fat and awful compared to Angelina and…I don't know how you e-even look at me without being r-repulsed." You sobbed, and I saw your defenses all broken and stuff. But I almost couldn't stop myself from yelling at you, because that is the _furthest_ thing from the truth. I put my hands on your cheeks and tilted your head to look up at me.

"Listen to me, Rachel Berry. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever met in my life, and you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know what you see when you look into the mirror, but when I look at you, I die a little inside because Heaven probably lost its star angel and can't find her. And I feel bad that I have her in my arms, but then I remember that she loves me and I love her, and I don't care what happens anymore." You shook your head and my hands fell from your face.

"You're wrong, Finn, I'm just an ugly girl who—" I didn't let you finish your sentence. I fiercely kissed you, biting your lip, licking your teeth, stroking your face. Your hands found their way into my hair and you kissed me back too, and I poured all my feelings about you into our lips. I broke the kiss to gently nip your neck, and I whispered "let me show you how beautiful you are." And you giggled and you fell into my arms and I swept you up and carried you to your room, where I playfully tossed you onto the bed.

"Come here, Finny!" You said, and you patted the bed like I was a dog. I barked, then winked at you, and I hopped on the bed next to you and I kissed you. You got on top of me and we began making out. It was super hot, Rach. But anyway, we were making out, and you pulled away from me and began kissing my neck like I kissed yours, and you planted soft butterfly kisses on my shoulder and then licked them after your lips touched them. You kissed me again, and your hand moved south, and I had to force my eyes shut to not be so turned on.

But I mailman'd and almost ruined it. _Almost_. I pulled it together right as you licked my neck. I rolled right on top of you, and you giggled as we began to get the pace back to where it was. We went on for another ten minutes, and then we finally stopped. You had your face pressed against my side, and I laughed.

"You're gorgeous, baby." I said, nuzzling your hair with my nose. You smiled and looked up at me again.

"You really think so?" You asked.

"Absolutely." I wrapped my arms around you and we were just lying down on your bed for a while.

But Rachel, nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, has changed since then. Just because that asshat doctor said you "need a nose job", doesn't mean that you should get one. I am so sorry about your nose, I didn't mean to break it. But you don't need one, because you and your nose are so beautiful, and you should never want to change that about yourself.

Or anything, for that matter.

_I miss you, Rachel_.

Finny Bear


	5. I Love You's and the Fair

Dear Rachel;

I need to tell you something. I know you and I haven't been right since prom, but I really need to tell you this. At Jean's funeral, when Mr. Schue was talking about being "tethered" to someone, I…I realized I didn't feel that way about Quinn. Or about anyone I've ever been with. Except for you, Rachel. You are the only person who I have been tethered to in my entire life. And I know it sounds really sappy, because I've been a total asshole to you, Rach. But I really mean what I say. I need you to know that I can't stop being around you, and I can't stop talking to you, because I…I _love_ you, Rach. I have never loved anyone else like I love you. I thought that, if I got back together with Quinn, that maybe I could fix what had happened last year. But I couldn't do that, Rach. I made too many mistakes, and she made too many mistakes, and I realized that the life she wanted to live…it wasn't the life _I _wanted to live. I want to live a life where I don't have to be perfect all the time. A life where, you know, you're allowed to make mistakes and still be with someone who loves you. I really hope that's you, Rachel. I saw you with Jesse earlier, and I saw you kiss him. And that _hurt_ me, Rach. It hurt me that you're letting him back in after he broke you worse than I did, but you're not letting me in. But I know that somehow, you'll choose one of us to stay inside. And I know you'll do what makes you happiest, so I'll leave the topic. I have a few more memories that I want you to know about before I stop writing to you.

I wanted to tell you about when we went to the state fair over the summer. I remember asking you when we were curled up on the couch, watching some reruns. We did that a lot over the summer, though. Anyway, you said yes, and that you were really excited to go. I was too, and it was a good thing I asked you a few days before the actual fair, because we were both texting about it right up until I picked you up at your house. You had on a pink dress and white sweater too. You kissed your dads goodbye and then saw my car and your face lit up like a Christmas tree. I smiled really wide and kissed your cheek when you sat down in the passenger seat next to me.

"Finn!" You giggled and turned a really cute pink.

"Sorry, I couldn't help myself." I laughed as we pulled out of your driveway and onto the road. We were cruising along when '_Faithfully'_ came on, and I knew both of us had teared up a little bit when the chorus started. You put your hand on top of mine and I squeezed it, because this song meant more than the world to us. We sang along, too, and I made sure to pick your hand up and kiss it as the song ended.

"I love you," you whispered as we pulled into the parking lot.

"I love you too." I said, parking the car and then kissing you. We both smiled into it and I quickly hopped out of the car to open the door for you. When you moved to get out, I swept you off your feet and spun you a few times. You laughed really loud, and then when I put you down, you breathlessly giggled. I winked at you. Then you held your hand out and I gladly took it, swinging it back and forth as we walked through the gates. I paid for our tickets and we started around.

The first thing that I saw was the strength test, where you hit the metal thing with a hammer and try to ring the bell. I nudged you and pointed at the booth, and you smiled really wide at me.

"Go for it, Finny!" You said and pushed me forwards. I dragged you with me as we hustled to the stand. The guy who was running the game looked like he was a meth addict, and when I handed him the dollar it took to play, he blinked and waved me on. I hit the thing like there was no tomorrow, and _CLANG_, I hit the bell. You squealed and bounced next to me, and I leaned over to you and asked what you wanted.

"That pink octopus!" You told the guy, and he handed you the fuzzy thing. I laughed and said it looked like a spider, but you whacked me in the arm.

"The octopus has feelings too!" You protested, trying to hide your laughter. I sighed dramatically, then apologized to your pink octopus.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Octopus." I said with a grin. You laughed and linked your arm with mine, and then poked my arm with your nose. We walked around some more, and I bought us cotton candy and we chased each other through the haunted house. I went on one of those spinny rides, and it turned out that my guts couldn't handle it. I ran to one of the bathrooms and barfed my guts out. You ran after me, saw me over the toilet, and put down your octopus to kneel next to me. I barfed again, and you rubbed circles on my back. You didn't say anything, but you stayed with me as I barfed one last time before leaning my head against the side of the stall.

"_Fuck,_" I moaned, feeling like shit. You kissed my forehead, and ran out of the bathroom really quick. I was about to summon the strength to get you when you came back with a few bottles of water.

"Here, shake the water around in your mouth. It'll clean out some of the bad taste." You coaxed, handing me a bottle.

"Thanks babe," I said gratefully, gargling the water in my mouth and spitting it into the toilet a few times. I'm pretty sure I got the taste out of my mouth and my breath smelling normal after finishing the second bottle, and I stood up shakily.

"Finn, we should go home." You said, tugging my arm.

"Rach, baby, no, there's one more thing I want to do." I said, trying to sound firm. You looked up at me with a confused look on your face. "The Ferris Wheel, Rachel! We need to go to the top!" I said, not telling her that it was always my dream to kiss a girl at the top. "Besides, I don't get queasy because of heights." Your eyes got all big, and you nodded quickly.

"Okay, but then we're going back to your house. I'm taking care of you tonight." You said sternly. I nodded, not wanting to waste any more time. I took her by the hand and we hurried towards the wheel. It was big, and it was really pretty with the lights on and everything. I paid the dude two dollars for me and you to ride together, then I lifted you into the seat and climbed in next to you.

"You ready?" I asked, leaning close to you. You smiled really broadly and took my hand.

"Yeah! Are you?"

"Yeah!" I said excitedly. Truthfully, this is why I wanted to go; I wanted to ride the wheel with you. Anyway, so the wheel climbed to the top, and we just giggled with anticipation. And, just my luck, it stopped a cart short of exactly the top. I was a bit disappointed, but you started talking.

"I wish we had gotten the top cart, because you know in all the really crappy Disney movies the couple kisses at the top of t—" you said, but I cut you off and crashed my lips to yours. I couldn't care less about the Disney movies, to be honest, but you left me breathless with the way you spoke and the way the wind blew your hair around. I knew I couldn't contain myself. Slowly, we untangled ourselves as the ride let us off. I walked to my car with you, your hand in mine, and we were almost silent the entire way there. You climbed in the passenger side and I got into the driver's side, and we drove back to your house. Before you got out, though, I grabbed your hand.

"Rach, thank you. For tonight, and for everything. I love you so, so much." I said, my heart beating really fast. You had your other arm around the octopus I won you, but you climbed back in the car and kissed me really hard, and your hand moved slowly over my dick. I tried to stop myself from arriving early, and you could see that, so you pecked my cheek and hopped out of the car again.

"I love you, Finny!" You called from your front door. I blew you a kiss, and as I drove home, I thought of what had happened at the carnival, and realized that it was the best carnival of my life.

I love you, Rachel.

xoxoxoxox

Finn

(**memory credit to lovelymslisa . tumblr . com**)


	6. Fond Memories

Rachel, I'm basically begging for you here.

I love you, okay? I am absolutely in love with you, and I don't know what I'd ever do without you by my side. You are my everything. I can't work right without you, you know? Like, there's no one to help me with my homework, or um, hug when I'm watching a movie, or hold hands with when I'm walking to Spanish every morning. And I can't put my arm around you in Glee, and I _definitely_ can't kiss you on the cheek or the forehead like I used to. You're a big part of my heart, Rachel, and there's this big hole where you used to be. And…I can't fix it. Remember last year, when I wanted us to be a real couple, and that I said the only thing I needed to fix was_ us_? I really want to fix us, Rach. And I need you more than I've ever needed anyone or anything ever. I don't mean sexually, 'cause you know I'll wait with you forever if you want, but I mean that I need you like, you know, in my arms and hugging me and giving me little kisses. Remember on our car rides home, when we got to a red light, we'd have kissing contests and who could kiss who most? And I always let you win, because we had to get home safely. But I'd still be the one who made you laugh the most when I drove up to your house, walked you to your door, and gave you a really big kiss before picking you up in my arms. You always giggled so loudly that your dads would always come to the door, and I'd put you down right as they walked outside. They were cool about me giving you the rides home from school, but one time, Leroy pulled me aside and asked me to not be so "wild" with you. I remember he smiled at me though, which was a good thing, I guess. I stopped with the "sweeping you off your feet" thing, but not before I told you that I was saving it for when we got married. You looked at me with really big eyes, and they were all wet and teary.

"What? Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

"No…I just…I really love you!" You said, leaping into my arms. I rocked you back and forth for a little while, not knowing why what I said shocked you but not caring too much either, because it got you back in my arms.

Oh, oh, and remember that time when we skipped gym class together? That was really cool. You took me to another one of those stage-picnics that you made for me in the beginning of sophomore year. You grabbed my hand and we ran around the school first, making sure not to run into Coach Sylvester. We were laughing quietly the whole time, and I'm pretty sure that I would have stopped time just to spend forever in that moment with you. Finally we came into the auditorium (did I spell that right? Kurt told me spelling is the best way to win over girls…) I stopped us and twirled you around in the middle of the stage. You laughed as you leaned against me, because that's what you do best, baby. Your laugh is the prettiest laugh I've ever heard. Your smile is the one that I would do anything for. You have the voice of an angel. Your face is so perfect. _You are perfect. _Then you asked me if I wanted a drink, and I said yes, as I traditionally did.

"They're real cosmos. I just made sure to put less alcohol in them, so we won't be drunk." You smiled at me. I nodded. Then you took out the airplane cups, and we did a toast, and I put down my cup and kissed you. You were shocked at first, but then you pulled away a bit and smiled.

"I was supposed to tell you that you could kiss me if you wanted to!" you giggled.

"Sorry, but I can't wait." I said hungrily, kissing you again.

Oh, and remember that time when I took you to the park in the middle of that rainstorm? That was probably the most fun I'd had in a while. We were originally gonna go see a movie but the theater closed early that night. So you said that we should walk in the park. I agreed, kinda reluctantly though, 'cause I wanted to see that new Transformers movie. But I still went with you. You grabbed my hand and we ran to the park across the street. There was no one there, which was awesome, because I got to make out with you under the trees and no one could see us. And then you gave me this really big hug, and said that you loved me, and I told you that I loved you too. And we sat there for a little while longer before the rain started. It was light at first—"It's _Drizzling_, Finn!" you said, nudging me playfully—but it slowly got worse, and before we knew it, the rain was falling so fast that I could barely see what was ahead of us. But you took me by the arm and pulled me out from under the tree.

"Dance with me, Finny!" You said excitedly, pulling me close to you. I agreed and took you in my arms.

"Wait, Rach, I can't dance," I shouted over the rain. You giggled, kissed me, and then you stood on my feet. You don't weigh much so it didn't hurt.

"Just move side to side, baby!" You yelled adorably, and we danced like that, me stepping side to side, and you resting your head against my chest. The rain just continued to pound, and it was fine until you realized you were wearing a white shirt. Not gonna lie, it was pretty awesome. But I gave you my letterman jacket and you took it happily. Before I could do anything, you leaned up and kissed me. You wrapped your arms around me and you held onto my lips and I held onto yours, and we just kissed in the rain for a while.

You know, I'm gonna get you back. I promise you, I'm gonna get you back in New York and make you mine, because I can't live without you.

I'm not going to write again, because I won't need to. You'll be mine.

I will love you forever, Rach.

_Finn_


	7. Epilogue

The past five years I've been with Rachel have been the best five years of my life. I ended up finding a college in New York to apply to, which I got into pretty easily after tutoring with Rachel. And by tutoring, I mean her 'teaching' me. I didn't tell her I had applied to New York schools, because I wanted to spend the most amount of time with her and make it seem like we only had months left together. When I told her I was going with her, she screamed, broke out in sobs and hugged me all at once. That was five years ago today. And today was also the day I planned to change her life.

My plans changed, though, when I came home from work to see her crying on the couch, with papers in one hand and the other hand clamped over her mouth. I dropped everything and ran to her, taking her in my arms in a few moves.

"Rach, baby, what's wrong?" I asked, panicking. Oh god, what was it? Was it something saying that we were being evicted? Was she…was she _pregnant_? Oh god, what was it?

"F-Finn," she began, but started crying again. I stroked her hair and rocked her slowly back and forth. She was blubbering about something, but it was so soft that I couldn't hear it.

"Rachel, sweetie, are you okay? Why are you crying? What happened?" I coaxed, rubbing her back and kissing her softly on the forehead. She stopped shaking a little bit. "Breathe, baby, breathe. Relax, you can tell me _anything_." She finally looked into my eyes and I saw she was smiling.

"I…I found your letters, Finny." She said, snuggling against my chest. "You're absolutely perfect, baby." I froze. Suddenly, the angst and anger I remember pouring into the letters came back to my memory and I had to do everything in my power to not run out of the apartment.

"Y-you did?" I stammered, kind of awestruck. _I thought I hid those better, damnit_.

"When I was doing laundry earlier, I was sorting through the pile of clothes which _you need to pick up_," I flinched at her change of tone, but she switched back before I could really notice. "And I found these." She held up six letters, crumpled with age. "I read them all, Finn, and I understand everything that you were saying. I remember all of those memories, all the little things that we did together, and I thought that you had forgotten them all…" she sniffled, and I held her closer to me. "…but you didn't, Finn, and that's what matters. And the fact that you wrote these in your_ junior _year of high school? That just makes them even more special." She kissed my cheek. I noticed she had calmed down a lot.

"I loved you then, and I love you even more now." I whispered in her ear. She smiled at me again and settled herself down on my lap. I realized that now was a better time than ever to talk to her about something. I reached my hand into my pocket, making sure I had what I needed. I did. Good.

"Rach, don't get too comfortable, because we need to talk." She got off my lap almost immediately, and I saw the worry in her eyes.

"What? Finn, _what is it_?" She said, her voice slowly rising out of fear.

"Rachel, I've known you since our sophomore year of high school. I wasn't a good kid then, you know. I bullied people. I threw them around, threw them into _dumpsters_, and I was okay with doing that." I took a breath, and saw she still had the look of panic in her eyes. "And then I met you. I met Rachel Berry, the Glee club star, stunning young ingénue, and incredible person. And she changed me. I couldn't get her off of my mind, even when I was with my previous girlfriend. I kissed her for the first time in the beginning of the year, when I asked her for vocal lessons. She told me I could kiss her if I wanted to, and I did. I wanted to kiss her more than I wanted anything. Over that school year, I became closer and closer to her, until I finally found the courage to tell her I truly loved her at Regionals. And she loved me back, because by the beginning of summer, we were a couple. I was with her until Christmas time, when we both discovered we did some bad things. And we tried to move away from each other…but it didn't work. Sue Sylvester's sister died, and at the speech, our Glee club teacher said that Sue's connection with her sister was a tether, and that they would always be connected. And that's when I realized that I had never stopped loving Rachel Berry. I kissed her at Nationals on stage and ruined the chance for our Glee club of juniors. But I threw the competition because I absolutely loved her. We got back together at the end of the school year, and I was so in love with her that I swore to myself I would never let her go again. Then came senior year. That was the best year of my schooling life. We won Nationals. I stayed with Rachel for the entire year, and we made love for the first time that year as well. I realized that there was no one else for me in my life when I looked into her eyes. And I applied—and got into—NYU but didn't tell her because I wanted her to be surprised when she moved into an apartment with me. And now, here we are today. Five years later, on the day that I announced to her that I was going to New York with her, and I was going to stay with her forever." She started crying again, but she was quiet. Slowly, I got down on one knee in front of her. "Rachel Barbra Berry, you are the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I've never been so in love with anyone in this world ever, and you're my other half. And I would never want to change anything about you—well, I take it back. There's one thing that I want to change about you. I'd like to change your name, Rachel." She was crying louder now. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will…will you do me the honor of changing your name to _Mrs._ Rachel_ Hudson_? And, you know, be my wife and stuff?" I asked, opening the box and holding it out to her. She screamed, then wrapped her arms around me and sobbed.

"Yes, oh yes Finn, I've been waiting for you to ask me since sophomore year!" She cried into my shoulder. I held her for a second, and then gently pulled her off.

"Well we have to make it official, don't we?" I gently slid the ring onto the finger that was waiting for me forever. I picked something simple. It was a silver ring that looked like small vines twisted into a ring shape. There was a golden star in the middle of the ring with a small diamond inside of it. She looked at her hand and cried.

"I love you, Finn. I absolutely _love_ you." She said as I embraced her. I was going to marry the most beautiful woman on Earth, and I had never been so happy in my life.

"I love you, _Mrs. Hudson_." I murmured, seductively pulling my tie off. She grinned at me.

"Let's consummate our engagement, Finny Bear." She winked.

"What does that mean?" I asked unknowingly.

"It means," she growled, pulling me into our bedroom. "I want you to _fuck _me."


End file.
